Tomorrow all my new clothes should arrive. I think I'll look like a princess, or at least very pretty. I don't get to feel that way often so I'm excited, I'll put on blush and everything. After tomorrow I get to see someone and I'm both excited and anxious. I love them very much though, as I've said before they're a sweetie. Recently I remembered I have a BandCamp gift card, but I'm not sure what albums I should buy on there. If anyone has any suggestions, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org. I love hearing new music, I get to hear other people's experiences in life. It makes up for how dull mine is, this house is a damn prison. That's why I'm excited for spring, I at least get to go to the park then. Plus, Ohio sunsets are pretty.
This week I learnt that someone I left for being manipulative and abusive was cancelled for being a manipulative and abusive. It made me happy seeing someone at least being called out for bad behavior, but I wish someone would do something to stop it. Aussie Hairspray smells nice, like new indoor playgrounds, it makes my hair crispy though. I want to go to a dance party very badly. I just want to get all my energy out under the disco ball, while funky tunes play in the background. I ordered long white gloves this week so I dont have to wear sleeves during the summer, in hopes I can prevent a bound to happen heat stroke. Along with that I ordered a skirt, if I'm wearing gloves I might as well go all out for the opera woman. The Super Bowl was boring, but the food was super good. We had cherry Pepsi! It's my single favorite soda, it screams groovy. I can't wait for spring.
Today my father told me he spat in my water. I'm unsure if he was joking or not, I'm pretty sure he was. If he wasn't and I catch mono I will have this as evidence of his doing. I found out about an old record label today, they were called 'Reader's Digest'. I can't find much on them, but from what I could find, they released very beautiful compilations, such as Stardust Moods. Life is over whelming me, I feel like I'm trapped in a cabin. It's comfy, but I want out so bad. I really can't wait for work to slow down and for it to be spring. Music appreciation is far more interesting than art appreciation. I already appreciate art, why do I need a class on it?! I had no dreams last night, but I still dream of opening a computer store. Yesterday I built my elder sister a computer setup so she can stream on Twitch. She and I aren't on good terms, but we silently cooperate.
Today was nice, but inconsistently paced. Recently my Walkman DD Quartz arrived, it was very exciting. It audio sounds on par with that of CD audio quality. If I am to ever get a car I hope it has a cassette player. None of my cassettes have been eaten yet. I talked today with someone I care about a lot. They have a lot of fear, but it's okay I like helping them. They're a sweetie. Last weekend I received a wonderous TV, the last Sony CRT! It plays in HD and looks incredible. I had no dreams in the past week. I love Diana Ross and Barbra Streisand's music. Their genres are polar oppisites, but they're both funky and play wonderful.
Today a cassette I had ordered has arrived. It plays very well, it's songs are funky and rhythmic. ASL was a bitch, but I have completed it for real this time. I have found a Sony Trinitron, and it's being sold for relatively cheap! It can even output HDMI. I love CRTs, they're magical in a way I can not describe. Skiing was fun yesterday, but I couldn't walk after I had gotten home. Both my legs were bruised from the boots being too tight. My friend had pressured me into going down a black diamond despite how I told them I wasn't ready. Last night I had a dream I was on a five story building and it was the end of the world. A giant fist was coming from above to kill all of humanity. I was stuck in a five story building, and the only people there were me, Trump, my dog, Barbra Streisand, and Elaine Stritch. Elaine and Barbra had given up hope and went outside, while all Trump could think about was money. Me and my dog had hidden on the third floor where there were no windows. We were the only ones to survive. After that we traveled the empty ruins left behind, and made two friends in a RV over came by flowers and vines.
Recently I've been remembering this girl named Kayla at my old school. She died when I was in the fourth grade from brain cancer, and when I had heard I went to the laundry room and cried. I have never met Kayla, but I feel very sad about what had happened. Everyone at my school had been rooting for her, she even had a fund raiser called 'Cure for Kayla'. She died while she was still in first grade. I wish she could've lived to see the future. Today my older sister accidentally drugged my father with weed gummies. She had meant to order CBD gummiesvfor him, but made a mistake along the way. I was about to archive a floppy disk today, but when I inserted it, my computer gave me error messages. I think I might stream games from Cool Math Games tonight. I wish I could've had one of the weed gummies, but my father had hidden them.
My friends and I plan on going skiing this monday. It's not far away, and admission prices are cheap. I'm worried the next version of Windows may remove Windows Media Player, since it is the place I play my music. It has been slow the past few days. Yesterday I discovered a radio station where I used to live does online radio too. It is nice to hear them again, they remind me of my real home. I'd love to play video games with someone, but I've got no one to play with. Coconut is a very funny squid.
Yesterday I made banana bread. It didn't rise very much, but it still tasted like memories. Today I had to take a VLO ASL 1 online assessment, but did not do very well since I had forgotten I had the class up until then. Today I undid the yellowing on the floppy drive. Today felt unrealistic in the sense it felt like I was walking through a dream. My entire day had the same feeling as the picture below, but not in the sense of it being deja vu. Today I finished watching a YouTuber's playthrough of DanganRonpa v2. It had so many twist, but felt very simillar to the first game..
Tonight I made hashbrowns and an egg. I also applied for a job for I am putting a big plan into motion, and with luck it will be successful. My theoretical business already has a market and is not being fulfilled by other manufacturers. Tonight something strange hanppened with my head. I was nauseauous for a moment and I started seeing stars. After that I could not focus, and the color red seemed like too much. Despite being surrounded by old technology, I am extremely interested in it. The egg and hashbrowns were good. Minidisc players are so futuristic, it's a shame they failed in the US.
I think my monitor may be going bad after twenty years of service. I'm having to degauss it more and more often to retain color accuracy, and last night spots were showing up on the screen. It will be a disappointing, but long overdue, good-bye. Today I woke up at 4:00 PM to my dismay. I have nearly finished Celeste. I would like to play Sam and Max Hit the Road next, but I do not own the CD-ROM. I will instead play Genshin Impact. Last night I had a dream that I was Pikachu and playing Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed with all my friends. I am very tired. I am worried my other friends may not like me either. I think the reason behind all of this recent paranoia is because I have forgotten to take my anxiety medication, and I have severe general anxiety disorder.
It has been one day of time away, but I already feel much better. Last night was nightmarish, but I have recovered. I am excited to see them after the space. Celeste would be imposible to complete in a day, the B-Sides are too hard. With this space I now have more free-time to talk to my more neglected friends. Today I found a strange secret hidden in the Mac OS System 7 floppy, as seen in the photo below. I imagine I'll have dreams of Celeste tonight. Despite being glad to have the free-time, I'll miss my friend during the space. I'm still embarassed by my mistake though, and they are still mad.
Today I made the most embarassing mistake. I made my friend uncomfortable with my jokes. This is my fault alone and not justifiable. I wish I knew which jokes in specific made them uncomrfortable, but they do not seem willing to communicate about it. Because of this, I will give them space for several days. Today a CD I've been waiting for arrived after months. It was Auxiliary Tracks Vol. 1 by Sad Chasey. Their music is very unique. I have not yet finished Celeste. I think I will sleep in tomorrow.
[EDIT: 01/09/21 8:55 PM] I do have a sneaking suspicion though that this might just be their way of leaving me
[EDIT: 01/09/21 9:38 PM] I am having my worst anxiety attack in months.
Today I was surprised with an IDE to SATA convert and a Barbra Streisand record as late Christmas presents. The converter works this time, and I am excited to archive my parent's floppy disks, and use a blank one to store my art since my files sizes are usually so small. I had my blood taken today. This is not unusual, for it seems it happens every month. Recently I've been worrying a repetition of last March. I feel really gross, I want to change my body but I never have the motivation to do so. This leads to feeling of jealousy. I will attempt to prevent this at all cost, for I don't want to lose my friends. Last night I had a dream my family had six guinea pigs, but we had to choose which ones lived based on how rat-like each guinea pig looked.
Today I told them what I needed to say, and I am very happy with the outcome. There will be no relationship past being friends, which we will continue being. Today I watered a tiny spruce tree. My teacher was feeling pain from surgery yesterday and I was worried, but she says she is now better. I am very tired today, last night was not restful. I might play Celeste today from start to finish. I am also thinking of maybe starting a small computer company if I don't do a record label. I will need a job first.
A horrible incident has befallen my friend, and I can't do anything to help except talk. I'm so tired of this hatred, tears are shedding. What has happened today was full on terrorism. And the worst part of it all is little to no action has been taken to prevent any of it. And the reason why no prevention was taken is ever more sickening. It's because these terrorist are white. If anyone was still questioning whether there is racism in the modern day, this is evidence enough to prove yes, there is. Action NEEDS to be taken. I am begging to all who read this, please do what you can to prevent this terrorism, donate to Black Lives Matter organizations, and stay safe. What is happening right now is unacceptable.
I am considering perhaps starting a record label for CDs and cassettes. I already have the supplies laying around, I'd just need to figure out how. I feel that the more I blog, the more concentrated my thoughts will get. I hope to use this blog so other people may get to know me, as my one-on-one social skills are poor. But it is not strictly for that purpose. Last night I had no dreams. There is someone my heart flutters for, and I am aware their's does not flutter back. As to avoid conflict, I will repress my feelings.
As the day has progressed, it has gone down hill. The converter arived but unfortunatly, I had ordered the wrong one and will have to wait several weeks until I can get a new one. Because of the converter's cost I was unable to assist my friend. They were successful anyways, only to subsequently have their money stolen by their mother. I wish I could have helped them, but based on how they have reacted in the past they would not like it. Today I had an anxiety attack. These are not uncommon for me. The Caretaker always helps me calm down. I understand what their music means, but I can't see past how soothing it is, and it helps me not think.
Yesterday my friend shared two interesting pieces of music with us. One was by someone I had never heard of, they go by H.E.R and they wrote the song 'Pest Part'. It was very nice, and reminded me of an old artist I used to listen to. I can't remember the name of the second band, but I loved it alot. They were jazzy and had good rhythm. My friend said they used all these complicated techniques for their singing, and that their band brings people from everywhere together. That made me very happy. I'm not a big fan of dividing people in to groups based on trivial aspects, so hearing this band bringing people together so they can sing warmed me up inside. Maybe I'm missing something? I am unsure. The IDE to SATA converter will arrive today, I am surprised by such quick shipping! My dog is very old. She's a sweetie, but I think she may be forgetting things. She will growl at friends entering our house. I had no dreams last night. I found a new Diana Ross album that I like alot, I plan on purchasing it when I have the money.
Today I woke up very early because I was dehydrating. The water here isn't very clean, so I usually drink milk or apple juice. The new IDE to SATA converter was not avaible in the computer store today, so it will have to be ordered online. I had an hour long Zoom today unfortunately, long Zooms always make my back hurt due to bad posture. The teacher is very sweet though, she is very hard working. My friend drew a wonderful drawing today, I am once again proud of their talent. Last night I had a dream the school year was starting again, but my older sister was being sent off to college. She was crying because she was scared, but all my father did was yell at her. I kept thinking 'How can he expect her to face this new world without having any prior experience to being all on her own?'. Eventually I snapped and screamed "Father!" in the dream, and then I woke up. I am hoping for warm weather soon so I may bicycle.
Today I received a floppy drive for my computer. Unfortunately, the IDE to SATA converter was faulty and I will have to wait until I can afford another. Last night one of my friends did some of the best singing I've ever heard, they are very talented. I had to leave though because my brain was messing with me. I had no dreams last night. I did find my missing golden Minidisc though.
I love all of my friends very much. I know some of them do not like me back, and it hurts my heart, but I will make it up to them in anyway I can. And to anyone I've left behind, I'm very sorry.
[EDIT: 01/02/21 10:17 PM] I'm very scared they'll all leave me even though, as far as I know, they have no reason.